“18 things to be grateful for this holiday”, Ellis Henican Column, amNewYork, November 24, 2010
So many reasons to be thankful, just when we need them most:
Be thankful you didn’t plan your Thanksgiving island getaway for lovely Yeonpyeong, South Korea.
Be thankful Charlie Sheen only visits New York.
Be thankful there are still a few TV shows that haven’t cast a single Palin — yet.
Be thankful fliers still get to choose between naked photos and a full body pat-down. Different strokes for — oh, never mind.
Be thankful Cathie Black has decided that owning an antique Colonial mansion in Bridgewater, Conn., sends the wrong message.
Be thankful Wills and Kate have set a date in April, not September, launching five, not 10, breathless months of royal-wedding hysteria.
Be thankful negative campaign ads are no longer on your TV.
Be thankful the latest UFOs are said to be shaped like Doritos. After such a long trip, don’t aliens get the munchies, too?
Be thankful the Fed just lowered its economic outlook through 2011, relieving us all from the inevitable disappointment of high expectations.
Be thankful reality-TV star (and WWE champion) Mike Mizanin is known to his fans as The Miz, an obvious pop-cultural hat tip to a couple of giants from his two chosen fields, The Rock and The Situation.
Be thankful Terry Collins’ Mets are undefeated up ’til now.
Be thankful sportswriters eventually will grow weary of canine analogies for pit bull Michael Vick and his off-its-leash Philadelphia offense. Woof-woof!
Be thankful Pope Benedict XVI has heard of condoms at last.
Be thankful Charlie Rangel finally has stopped complaining about being picked on. Charlie Rangel?
Picked on?
Be thankful Iran’s parliament planned to impeach President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but where’s that legendary Iranian follow-through?
Be thankful no one ever forgets how to ride a bike, now that New York Bike Share is on the way.
Be thankful Vanity Fair finally got a sitdown with Satan. Apparently, all those horrible people Vanity Fair has been interviewing weren’t officially Satan.
Be thankful other countries aren’t as scary-crazy as North Korea is. Crazy? Yes. Scary? Yes. Scarycrazy? No.
E-mail ellis@henican.com. Follow him at twitter.com/henican