“Study on prejudice, low IQ just plain dumb”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, January 29, 2012

Who’s prejudiced and who’s dumb?

According to a study in the journal “Psychological Science”, children with lower intelligence are more likely to grow into racially prejudiced adults.

So are those with conservative upbringings. “Socially conservative ideologies tend to offer structure and order,” lead author Gordon Hodson writes in a report that’s generating howls of uproar this weekend. “Unfortunately, many of these features can also contribute to prejudice.”

Is he saying conservative people are bigoted and stupid?

Sure sounds that way. The popular LiveScience blog put this headline on Dr. Hodson’s research: “Low IQ & Conservative Beliefs Linked to Prejudice.”

Take that, George Will!

It’s one thing to say that people from socially conservative backgrounds are more likely to hold socially conservative views. That’s not science. That’s truism.

It’s quite another, in such sweeping terms, to call conservatives dumb. What about William Buckley? What about Friedrich Hayek? Those guys may be dead now. Their ideas might sometimes be called disagreeable. But no one ever said they were dumb.

Life experience teaches that smart people and dumb people show up on all sides of the political spectrum. It’s just that our pointed political conversation refuses to acknowledge that.

To hear the Republican presidential debates in Florida and the State of the Union address in Washington was to hear two sides talking at each other, with hardly any mutual respect. There’s a talk-show host who’s made quite a good living calling liberalism a mental illness. There are people on the left who are certain no one with half a brain is on the right.

Tell me that’s not another kind of prejudice.

SMARTEN UP

1. Crazy liberals

2. Closed-minded conservatives

3. Mushy moderates

4. Wild-eyed radicals

5. Apathetic jerks

THE NEWS IN SONG:

A little more each day…

Kool G Rap & DJ Polo

“Erase Racism”

tinyurl.com/eracist

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

How different would the Florida primary be if so many Long Islanders hadn’t plopped down there? Would Newt really be romping?…Want a seal in the state Assembly? We’re probably getting another one for Elmont and Valley Stream…Should we care that LIRR is now the number 2 commuter railroad in America? Does our tumble from the top just mean Metro-North has more crowded trains?… Are Suffolk County workers enjoying their new mandatory pay-deferent program? Is the penny-pinching spreading to elected officials, whose participation is voluntary? If they all sign up, it’ll save an extra $2 million…You see that bug-eyed guy alleging stealing from a Wading River farm stand? Are video security cameras turning minor crimes into major news events?…Are Susan Pemberton and Cynthia Sibert about to mount the victims-were-so-dumb-they-deserved-it defense? The Nassau County women are accused of stealing the IDs of unsuspecting people who answer Craig’s List ads…Does it really take legislation to make the night dark? It may in East Hampton, where light-loving businesses have just been given another three months to comply with the town’s 2006 “dark skies” law…Now that Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary Roman Catholic Church has been promoted by the Pope to “basilica,” will  Monsignor Jeffrey Madley get a promotion too? Wait, he’s already a monsignor. That’s high already.

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK:

ZACHARY BORST

No one can say for sure whether Zachary Borst is the next Steven Spielberg or even the next Donny Deutsch. But the 26-year-old aspiring filmmaker from Merrick sure is opening big. His prize-winning Chevrolet commercial will be seen by 170 million people glued to the Super Bowl. I dare you to say his work doesn’t hold up against the best in the business of any age at any price. His sleight-of-hand Camaro concept is decidedly youth-focused. And isn’t that the demographic all those grown-up creative types are desperate to reach these days? Touchdown, Zach!

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“GOP presidential race offers entertainment”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, January 22, 2012

It’s been an unexpected gift this election season, the Republican romp for president—a thrill for those who enjoy the theater, an adrenaline pump for those who love a fight.

Tell me, who among the Final Four couldn’t have been cast in a ’60s sitcom? The Earnest but Awkward Rich Dude? The Volatile Dancing Bear? The Stiff Guy in a Sweater Vest? Goofy Uncle Paul? The only one missing is Gilligan, and the island’s really his. Maybe that was Rick Perry or Herman Cain.

Forget for a minute their various issues and ideologies. Take a break from all horse-race analysis. Leave John King alone — or whoever’s the latest whipping boy. We’ll have plenty of time for all of that. Just savor for a moment the wonderful spectacle.

And lately no one’s even mentioned Donald Trump.

Sorry. I shouldn’t have.

As the votes were cast Saturday in South Carolina, it was hard not to get slightly wistful. It’s been so exciting to witness, the unexpected twists and turns. But how much longer can the show go on?

If not for America’s future, at least for its entertainment.

Encore, please!

NAME GAME

1. A-PAUL-ing newsletter

2. RICK-ety Iowa win

3. NEWT-ron bomb

4. Ad-MITT-ed rich guy

5. In-ex-PERRY-enced

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Is there any human activity someone CAN’T turn into a reality show?” HGTV’s “Selling New York” will follow Lorenzo Borghese, ninth-season star of “The Bachelor,” as he shops for a house on Long Island. What’s next? “Lorenzo Hires a Pool Boy”?…Did Super Bowl ad winner Zachary Borst of Merrick really get a used 1997 Mitsubishi Mirage with four different wheels for his high-school graduation? Story’s so good, will football fans even care?…Did the deer in East Hampton suddenly get smarter? Or are more local hunters “forgetting” to register their kills this year at the EnCon check station on Old Montauk Highway?…Did $64,000 “Jeopardy” winner Dan McShane learn everything he knows – or only some of it – as 2006 Quiz Bowl captain at St. Anthony’s High in South Huntington?…How’d YOU like to be Courtney Love’s landlord?… If East Hampton shrinks the size of real-estate signs from 7 to 1½ square feet, will sellers shrink their asking prices similarly?…How ’bout we put this headline in the Duh Hall of Fame? “Study: LIers Pay Too Much for Housing”…A week ago, did you think we just might skate through winter without any actual winter weather? Still think that?

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Still too soon

“At Last”

Etta James

tinyurl.com/atetta

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK:

ANTHONY CATANESE

Anthony Catanese isn’t alone. The father of a sixth-grader and a seventh-grader at Prince of Peace Regional Catholic School in Sayville is joined by hundreds of other parents trying to save six Catholic grammar schools the Diocese of Rockville Centre plans to close in June. The parents haven’t seen much progress yet. “There will not be any appeals,” diocesan spokesman Sean Dolan said. But parents at St. John Baptist De LaSalle in Farmingdale; St. Catherine of Sienna in Franklin Square; St. Ignatius Loyola in Hicksville; Sacred Heart in North Merrick; Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Lindenhurst and Prince of Peace are seeking urgent meetings, writing passionate letters and asking for the data that justifies closing their schools. “So far, they aren’t telling us why,” Catanese said before heading to Saturday’s save-our-schools rally in front of St. Agnes Cathedral. “We’re a small school. But enrollment is stable. We’re not in debt, and we have a great community. Supposedly, this is to strengthen Catholic education. But every time a Catholic school closes, 45 percent of the children end up in public school. How does that strengthen Catholic education?”

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“Samantha Garvey’s story a brilliant one”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, January 15, 2012

How do you not like this story?

Samantha Garvey, a senior at Brentwood High School, is named a semifinalist in the national Intel Science Talent Search. No dis on the 299 other semifinalists across the country, 60 of them on Long Island, who now have a crack at a $100,000 scholarship. But it’s hard to imagine too many of them were living with their families in homeless shelters.

The more you think about what that must mean, the more amazing Samantha’s achievement becomes. Without a hint of bitterness or self-pity, she shared some details of Bay Shore shelter life.

“I ordered a senior picture and I said, ‘I don’t know where to send it. I don’t know what’s going to happen. What if we move, what if we get evicted,’ which we did,” she said Friday. “You’re out in limbo. You’re like, ‘What’s going to happen to my mail, what’s going to happen to my college applications. Where are they all going to go?’ It’s scary.”

Yes, it has to be.

But this girl’s busting stereotypes everywhere. She’s a teenager, suddenly famous for being intelligent. She comes from difficult circumstances and is brilliantly overcoming them. Her nurse’s-aide mom and taxi-driver dad are obviously proud of her. Her teachers deserve some credit, too. But there’s something in this kid that simply sparkles. It can be measured — one of many ways — in the outpouring of public generosity she has already provoked.

In her prize-worthy research, Samantha shows how striped mussels exposed to predator crabs develop thicker shells. Though her experiments were conducted in Long Island Sound, doesn’t that have to apply on land as well?

“I do believe that is an amazing metaphor,” said Rebecca Grella, Samantha’s science teacher at Brentwood High. “And I do see Sam as a strong mussel.”

LISTEN TO SAM

1. “This motivates me to do better.”

2. “I’m not going to complain. It’s a roof over our heads. It’s not bad.”

3. “You can sit around and mope, but what’s that going to get you?”

4. “I never expected this much attention.”

5. “I have nothing to fear now, you know?”

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Freezepop

“Science Genius Girl”

This One’s for you Samantha –

tinyurl.com/sososmart

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

With all that wind out there – another wind alert on Friday from the National Weather Service – why does the cause of windmills on Long Island seem to be stalled?…Budget whiz Jeff Nogid: Out of the Nassau frying pan, into the Long Beach fire?…Is JetBlue CEO Dave Barger touring MacArthur Airport with new routes in mind – or just to get ISP-booster Chuck Schumer off his back?…Bed, Bath & Glowing? Not yet. But metal tissue holders containing low levels of radioactive material were yanked from the shelves in Westbury and Huntington Station…What’s Ed Mangano’s secret plan for a new Nassau Coliseum? Does he actually have a secret plan for a new Nassau Coliseum? Perhaps you’d like to suggest one…Has Dan Bruckner ever heard of local tithing? The California with LI in-laws did buy his $208-million Mega Millions ticket at the King Kullen on Middle Country Road…How does Queens DA Richard Brown know the LIE is the real “heroin highway”? Doesn’t heroin chic point some importers to Sunrise Highway or Hempstead Turnpike?

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK:

RICHARD THRELKELD

Richard Threlkeld, the retired CBS and ABC newsman and East Hampton resident, was never one to play it safe. He’d taken some scary turns in his 75 years. One of the great foreign correspondents of his generation, on TV or in print, he chronicled America’s involvement in Iraq, Vietnam, Cambodia and countless other danger zones. But this was not supposed to be one of them: Peaceful Amagansett on a quiet Friday morning in a head-on collision with a propane tanker truck. RIP, RT.

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“Time to settle Syosset mall debate”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, January 8, 2012

It’s been 17 years. Shouldn’t that be long enough?

Long enough to decide whether developer Bill Taubman can build his upscale Mall at Oyster Bay in Syosset. Long enough to decide whether a small but fierce knot of neighborhood opponents will succeed in scuttling a privately financed $700 million project that promises to create 3,500 construction jobs and 2,000 permanent retail jobs and generate $50 million in new tax revenue, including $9 million in Nassau County property taxes and $5 million for Syosset schools.

In his State of the State address last week, Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo bemoaned how long it takes to get stuff built in New York. “It just can’t take three years to put a shovel in the ground,” the governor said of general infrastructure projects. “Fifteen years of planning and talking is too long,” he said of the Tappan Zee Bridge.

Welcome to Syosset, governor. We’re still clearing our throats around here after three or 15 years.

Under pressure from jittery neighbors, the project was rejected by the Town of Oyster Bay. That was confirmed by the New York State Court of Appeals.  But Taubman pressed on, twice reducing the scale of his project. The proposed mall has been declared a project of “regional significance” by the governor’s Long Island Regional Economic Development Council. That’s an important — though not a final — leg up.

And over the next few weeks, the future of the long-discussed mall will get another thorough hashing out in what promises to be a raucous debate before the Long Island Regional Planning Council.

If history isn’t a guide, this could settle the matter once and for all.

WAITING FOR . . .

1. Long Island Expressway’s Exit 47

2. Trump on the Ocean

3. The New Nassau Coliseum

4. The Mall at Oyster Bay

5. Godot

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Oh, there it is! Now that Nassau’s “found” new money to rehire 40 laid-off Social Service workers, anyone know of any other hidden cash just laying around?…Unfamiliarity with the local roads? Does that explain why Kristen DiCerbo of upstate Malta, assistant to Chief Deputy Nassau County Exec Rob Walker, wrecked that county-owned SUV outside Roosevelt Field? What, no qualified assistants around here?…Singed by Andrew Cuomo’s convention-center dream at Aqueduct, what if the Shinnecocks suddenly lost interest in a Belmont casino and starting asking again: “Why not the Hamptons?”…When will Albany have any good news for parents and children in Roosevelt? The latest downer? Suspended state  grants…While the two acting top cops – Nassau’s Thomas Dale and Suffolk’s Edward Webbe – await word on their permanent fates, which will be harder? Getting along with their local DA’s or with each other? Both can be challenges, as we’ve learned in the past….Fare hikes are coming next to Suffolk. Is it time for some bold new ideas about the whole buses-in-the-suburbs idea? Clearly, the same old thinking isn’t enough anymore…With “distraction burglars” striking in Oceanside and elsewhere, what’s an elderly homeowner to do? Don’t get distracted, Grandma? Easier said than done…The market may be flooded, but did you know that Long Island now has 1,118 fewer real-estate agents? So says the annual survey from MLS of LI. Don’t worry, though. You’ll still find one.

LONG ISLANDERS OF THE WEEK:

JOHN CAPANO’S FAMILY

It’s bad enough when anyone is shot to death. But really, what could be more tragic than this? An off-duty federal agent killed as he tried to stop a robber outside a drugstore, the fatal bullet seemingly fired by a retired Nassau police officer who was also trying to help. That’s several tragedies — not one — on the same Seaford sidewalk. At the funeral on Friday, Capano’s family had every right to explode in anger and bitterness. They chose not to. They came to the church with shared condolences, not with blame. With perfect clarity, Capano’s brother James explained. “Let us not forget others responded that day to stop a crime,” he said. “Please remember, they have family and acted as John did. However this turns out, I ask that we pray for them, too.”

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“In Iowa, it’s still any Republican’s game”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, January 1, 2012

No one can tell you now who will win the Iowa caucuses Tuesday. The polls can’t. The pundits can’t. I certainly can’t. But even I know this much: The first official test of the Republican candidates for president has been one head-spinning, heart-pounding breakneck ride, careening all the way to the finish line.

And look at all the bruised bodies littering the road.

Pizza man Herman Cain, who went from rising star to also-ran in 999 seconds. Math major Rick Perry, who’s still practicing his counting, 1-2-whatever. Debate king Newt Gingrich, too smart for the room AND too dumb for it. Poor Jon Huntsman, wondering why everybody else got to surge but him. Lingering Donald Trump, who never was a candidate, just kept pretending to be. Oh, right, and Michele Bachmann — remember her?

That leaves front-runner Mitt Romney, running at the front again. It leaves surging Rick Santorum, surging not a minute too soon. And it leaves Ron Paul, speaking for the End-the-Drug-War-and-All-Other-Wars Wing of the Republican Party. Who knew there was such a wing?

So buckle your seat belts. Aren’t elections fun?

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Music to run by:

University of Iowa Bassoon Quartet

“Iowa Fight Song”

http://tinyurl.com/iowafight

REFUND OR EXCHANGE

1. Verizon’s $2 bill-pay charge

2. Bank of America’s $5 debit-card fee

3. Netflix’s online streaming and DVD-rental divorce

4. That little Christmas tattletale, “Elf on the Shelf”

5. Talk already of an iPad 3

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Whose New Year is any happier than Alex Antiohos’, the security contractor from West Babylon freed after 18 days in a squalid Iraqi jail?…How do state regulators tell the “gas gougers” from the stations that just charge way too much? Add the JW Station in Farmingdale (Tropical Storm Irene top-off, $4.89 a gallon) to the official gouger list…By waiting until to the New Year to claim the $208 mil, can Monday’s Mega Millions winner duck any 2011 tax bite? People at Middle Island King Kullen were just wondering…Will Ed Mangano be taking one of his NICE new buses to work? The Nassau exec says Illinois-based Veolia Transportation “will run bus service more efficiently and effectively” than the MTA ever did…Is Sam Eshaghoff about to become the new Joey Buffafuocco, the bad-example LIer who trashes our rep everywhere? The alleged SAT scammer (and smirking “60 Minutes” interviewee) certainly seems on the verge…Anyone feel sorry for real-estate attorney Frederic Powell, disbarred for trying to bribe a Hempstead Township clerk to speed up an information request? Didn’t think so…Can you say “LIU Post”? Will a snappier name (and a $9.5-million, six-campus rebranding campaign) help what used to be called the C.W. Post Campus of Long Island University in Brookville?…

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK

FINGERS

He plays loud music. He rides loud bikes. But Fingers, WBAB/102.3’s metal-head afternoon man, speaks with quiet reverence about his plans for today. It’s kickstands up at noon for the 9^th annual Cold Finger Run – Fingers on a Dyna Wide Glide Harley, joined by hundreds of other charity-minded motorcycle riders, braving the frigid temps to benefit the American Cancer Society’s Camp Adventure on Shelter Island. “I’m a very regular guy,” the LI radio legend says. “My house is in foreclosure. I’m lucky to have a job I love so much, even luckier to have the chance to give something back.” The riders start at the Cradle of Aviation Museum in Garden City. Late entries are still welcome. Everyone kicks in $20. The day ends with a post-run party at  Mulcahy’s in Centereach. Every nickel goes to the kids. “I’ve been out to the camp quite a few times,” Fingers says softly. “Amazing kids in an amazing place.”

“LI’s economic recovery is in our hands”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, December 24, 2011

Fuel oil is south of $4 a gallon. The average 30-year mortgage is well below 4 percent. New unemployment applications fell last week to their lowest level in more than three years.

But everybody’s still feeling squeezed.

That’s the thing about these lingering tough times. It isn’t so much that any one day is unbearable. It’s that after so many hard ones, everyone is desperate for some kind of relief. And no one can say when it might arrive.

Or from where.

Almost certainly not from Washington. Look how naggingly high the official unemployment rate remains, 8 percent and change. Look how hard it was for Congress to reach that two-month payroll tax deal. A two-month deal! You think those people will save us?

Almost certainly the relief won’t come from Albany or local government. Nassau and Suffolk counties both have balance sheets that spell danger. Real-estate values across the region simply refuse to recover. The population is getting older. Manufacturing jobs show no signs of returning. The ambitious young keep moving out.

That fresh $101 million in state economic aid? Happy to have it, for sure. But the jolt the Long Island economy needs to flourish? It’s still nowhere in sight.

In the end, relief will come as it always has, from the inside out. Growth will save us. Cutting won’t. Smart Island will get even smarter. We will invest in ourselves. Ambitious Island will get more ambitious, Creative Island more creative. Someone will invent something here that produces thousands of new jobs. Someone will lure workers in this direction, not the other way.

The pall that has lasted so long will finally evaporate. Housing prices might even stabilize. Opportunity will reintroduce itself. And not a minute too soon.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Get busy now.

THE YEAR THAT WASN’T

1. Nassau County Solved Its Fiscal Mess
2. Suffolk Police Caught the Serial Killer(s)
3. LIRR Cuts Reversed
4. New Arena Approved for Islanders
5. Congress Functioned

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Only the best Christmas song ever by the best Christmas singer ever:

Aaron Neville

“Please Come Home for Christmas”

tinyurl.com/merryaaron

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Enjoying winter yet? Yes, this is winter…Can you blame Shannan Gilbert’s mom, begging the FBI to investigate her daughter’s murder? Mari Gilbert isn’t the only person who’s judged the local investigation “clownish”…How did ex-Islanders coach Scott Gordon, now an assistant with the Toronto Maple Leafs, enjoy that Nassau Coliseum welcome Friday night? Not too many Isles fans shouting, “Thanks for the memories, Coach”…If HSBC Long Island banker John Cruz knew way back in 2008 that Bernie Madoff was “a total fraud,” why’s he only filing for whistle-blower status now, as his World Banking, World Fraud comes out?…Why did BP Solar cut-and-run from LIPA’s BNL Solar project? Too much good PR from the deepwater oil spill in the Gulf?…The I-won-what question: Is Steve Bellone having serious second thoughts about his soon-to-be job as Suffolk exec?…Now that ShotSpotter’s in place in Huntington Station and four nearby communities, when will the AllOtherCrimesSpotter arrive?…How does retiring Long Beach Police Commissioner Tom Sofield feel, knowing his $500,000 terminal-leave payout helped to lower the town’s Moody’s credit rating five – count ’em, five — steps?…“Meet the NICE Bus”: Is that a slogan or a punch-line set-up? What’s next? “Meet the Not-So-NICE Delays”?

LONG ISLANDERS OF THE WEEK

THE LAYAWAY ANGELS

No one knows quite where they started. Costa Mesa, Calif.? Low Country, South Carolina? Fort Wayne, Ind.? But all across America – and across Long Island too — anonymous donors have been going into Kmarts and other discount stores (including the Farmingdale Walmart) and paying off strangers’ layaway accounts. What a great way of helping hard-working families, struggling to pay for Christmas in a very tough economy! It’s quiet. It’s direct. It’s wildly appreciated. If that’s not the spirit of the season – the spirit of angels too – tell me please what is.

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“A knee-jerk reaction to ‘Tebowing’”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, December 18, 2011

Of all the boneheaded stunts teenagers are capable of, why crack down on “Tebowing”?

If you don’t know the term, you should by now. From Facebook and YouTube to random campuses across America, young people are striking the same prayerful one-knee pose that Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has made famous on the football field. Pictures of the insta-trend are popping up everywhere, picking up where the planking craze left off.

Last week, about 40 students “Tebowed” in the hallway at Riverhead High. Principal David Wicks’ swift response? One-day suspension for two of them.

The principal said he wasn’t being anti-religion — or even being anti-latest-goofy-trend. The between-classes Tebowing, he contended, was a serious breach of building safety. The offending students knelt down in the hallway in between periods and made it impossible to pass, he said. “If you have 40 kids kneeling down in the middle of a hallway, and God forbid a fire alarm goes off, they could potentially stop someone from getting to safety.”

And why did a simple admonition not suffice? “Hey, kids! Get up from here! People want to pass!” Shouldn’t the principal count himself lucky if unauthorized kneeling is Riverhead High’s most urgent safety concern?

Compared to gang fighting, crack smoking, rifle toting, drunken driving and the other real-life threats on some campuses today — even compared to bad cafeteria food! — this burst of youthful exuberance is mighty small potatoes. It doesn’t even run afoul of Supreme Court decisions on the First Amendment, which forbids COMPULSORY prayer in public school. Clearly, this wasn’t that.

Avoiding these suspensions would have saved the principal — and Superintendent Nancy Carney — a whole lot of ridicule from parents, bloggers and TV talking heads. It might even have taught the students’ classmates a valuable lesson on setting priorities.

TRENDING NEXT

TRUMPING: Inviting everyone to a party no one wants to attend.

MITTING: Unshakably holding a firm position — until you don’t anymore.

PERRYING: Believing you’re alive when you’re really dead

NEWTING: Taking large fees from powerful interests to influence policy in Washington. Not to be confused with lobbying, which is totally and completely different.

BARACKING: Thinking “no matter how low my polls go, I can still clobber these guys.”

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Wasn’t that brilliantly sneaky, the way Breast Cancer inc. hid GPS devices on its clothing-donation bins, helping to nab that alleged bin thief?… Seven and counting? Is that how many months in a row LI’s lost jobs compared to the same month last year?….LI Bus folo: Can’t government manage anything themselves any more? Add LI Power Authority’s $400-million management deal with New Jersey’s PSEG to the get-someone-else-to-do-it trend… Is Southampton’s plastic-bag ban being trashed or just delayed?… The LI Aquarium, Treasure Cove Marin, the Sea Grand Ballroom, the Hyatt  Place Hotel – how barren would the downtown Riverhead waterfront be were it not for Jim Bissett?… Flushed from Maspeth to make room for a new Kosciuszko Bridge,  should bathroom-stall maker Karp Associates get an extra-sweet property-tax break for moving to Spagnoli Road in Melville? Neighboring companies paying the full rate – how do they feel about that?…Did Steve Bellone just vote against Richard Dormer’s single-killer theory in the Gilgo Beach case? Or was it a total coincidence that the in-coming Suffolk exec bum-rushed Steve Levy’s police commissioner out the door the very same day Dormer took issue with DA Tom Spota’s multi-killer belief? See ya,  Commish!

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK

JASON TRAWICK

Local boy makes Britney? Of course he does. That’s the thing about people from Long Island. They pop up everywhere! All of Hollywood was atwitter at week’s end over the news — delivered via Twitter, of course — that pop star Britney Spears just got engaged. But it isn’t just any California lover boy who won Brit’s Bayou heart. It’s William Morris Endeavor agent Jason Trawick who, despite his solid L.A.cred, grew up in Holbrook. Who played hockey at Sachem North High. Whose folks live in Setauket. Just another far-flung Long Islander popping up in the news.

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“When borrowing goes bad”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, December 11, 2011

What’s another half-billion among friends?

With Nassau County proposing to borrow a fresh $450 million to pay for certain expenses, perhaps it’s time for a brief budget-theory review.

Wait. Stick with me here. I know budgets can be boring. And budgetary theory sounds even worse. But to paraphrase what Pericles said about politics and Leon Trotsky said about war, “You may not be interested in budgets, but budgets are interested in you.”

Debt is not always a bad thing. It allows us to buy stuff we can’t afford to pay cash for and spread the payments into the future.

I didn’t pay cash for my home, and I’m hoping to live there for many years to come. That last part is key: Borrowing for long-term governmental projects — building roads, laying sewers, maybe even constructing sports stadiums now and then — can make fiscal sense if it’s done with thought and diligence.

But borrowing just to get the county balance sheet through the day, the week or the year? Any budget expert will tell you that’s almost always a bad idea.

Four years later, the money will all be gone, spent on court judgments, tax refunds and who knows what else. The county will have nothing permanent to show — no new roads, no new sewers, not even a new stadium. And on into the future, those bond payments will keep coming due, pinching future taxpayers and requiring even deeper cuts.

No wonder the seven members of the Nassau Interim Finance Authority, the county’s fiscal baby-sitter, seemed to hold their noses while voting to approve Ed Mangano’s 2012 budget and that fresh $450-million hole.

Even the five voting yes appeared to understand: New York’s wealthiest county was delaying the tough stuff again.

ONLY MONEY:

1. Robbing Plandome to pay Port Washington.

2. $450 million for your thoughts.

3. Taxpayer money makes the world go ’round.

4. Neither a Mangano nor a Suozzi be.

5. Laughing all the way to the County Office Building in Mineola.

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Never enough:

“Money (That’s What I Want)”

The Flying Lizards

tinyurl.com/justgimme

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Would YOU lend Nassau County $450 million?…Which Long Island pols are NOT claiming credit for that $101.6 million in economic-development aid from Albany? It’s a much shorter list than those who are…Now that Ed Mangano’s push to privatize LI Bus has hit a major speed bump, wouldn’t this be a good time to review the whole idea? Could it be that, compared to these out-of-town transit vendors, the MTA all of a sudden isn’t looking so bad?…Is alarmist real-estate analyst Keith Jurow being way too negative – or just telling the hard truth – when he calls the LI housing market “a disaster waiting to happen”? Writes Jurow: “Nearly everyone who bought since the summer of 2003 owns a home worth less than they paid for it. My sense is that many of them have no idea.”…What’s a hungry 7 foot, 305-pounder eat for lunch in Greenvale? Pizza AND spaghetti AND meatballs at Abeetza Pizza, if his nickname’s Shaq…When was the last time you got to say happy birthday to someone who just turned 106? So join my “many happy returns” to Martha Lewis of Port Jefferson Station (via Germany, Russia, Japan, Canada, Washington Heights and Port Jefferson). Why stop now, Mrs. L?

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK:

Ray Bertolino

Personal, thoughtful, unscripted conversation — it’s the rarest thing on modern radio. Far from the AM shouters and the FM morning zoos, Ray Bertolino has conducted hundreds of his civilized “Conversations” on Nassau Community College’s WHPC / 90.3 FM (online at ncc.edu/whpc). A Muttontown native and Mineola resident known for his probing interview style and old-fashioned patience, Bertolino has hosted an amazingly diverse guest lineup: Novelist Nelson DeMille, songwriter Jimmy Webb, adman Jerry Della Femina, sportscasting legend Bob Wolff, pop star Neil Sedaka, talk host Dick Cavett and, this week (Sunday at 10 p.m., Monday at 12:30 p.m., Tuesday at 4 p.m.), cabaret icon Michael Feinstein. No matter how famous, they all understand: Smart conversation’s a rare commodity on the radio.

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“LI can take a joke – when it’s a good one”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, December 4, 2011

John McCain wasn’t the first comedian — amateur or professional — to make Long Island the butt of the joke.

Didn’t a whole generation of stand-ups dine out on Matzo-Pizza and Buttafuoco? Where would the American sitcom be without taking jabs at LI traffic, LI malls and LI uniformity? “Seinfeld,” “Mad About You,” “Friends” and “Spin City” all got their licks in. Just a week ago, Lily on “How I Met Your Mother” was explaining the “one big reason” she didn’t want to move from her city apartment to the house she inherited from her grandmother. “I don’t want to spend my Saturdays on Long Island,” Lily huffed.

Ha. Ha.

On Wednesday, McCain used a heated Senate debate on detainee policy (detainee policy?) to seek a laugh at Long Island’s expense. “Last I checked, Long Island was a part — albeit sometimes regrettably — part of the United States of America,” the Arizona Republican intoned.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Proving two things: Politicians in Washington are never funny when they try to be funny. And Sen. Chuck Schumer can always make a mildly uncomfortable situation worse.

Instead of ignoring McCain’s lame attempt at insult-humor or saying something funny-mean about Arizona, the New York Democrat played the 9/11 card: “All America saw how heroic Long Islanders were,” blah, blah, blah — as if no one east of Queens has had a laugh in the past 10 years.

Actually, we aren’t remotely thin-skinned around here. We love to laugh uproariously, even at ourselves. We can dish out the insults, and we can take them.But we do have certain standards of humor quality, standards neither of these flat-footed politicians came even close to.

Laugh at us if you want to you. Just make the jokes funny, OK?

WHAT’S SO FUNNY?

1. McCain at the Improv

2. Last Schumer Standing

3. Take my senator – please!

4. America’s Funniest House and Senate Videos

5. Tragedy Central

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Faith No More

“I Started a Joke”

http://tinyurl.com/nojoking

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

First it was one killer, then it was several killers – and now it’s one killer again? Anyone confused about the Gilgo Beach (Serial) Killer(s) – I mean, besides the Suffolk County police?….The typical LI exec got a 4.2 percent raise last year? How does that compare to yours?…What do you mean doctors don’t make house calls anymore? Federal agents say Dr. Leonard Stambler of Baldwin Harbor drove to patients’ home and dispensed prescription pain pills from his car!…Who DIDN’T know about the SAT cheating scandals? If you believe all the post-arrest boasting, half of Great Neck knew for years…Why are so many “Celebrity Wife Swap” contestants from Long Island? Something about LI and second-string (or has-been) celebs?…Taste test: Am I the only one who thinks Liz Taylor’s Christie’s bling is over-the-top garish? That’s my excuse for not bidding…“Perry Como”? Is that Anthony Frascone’s real nickname? Or did some mischievous fed invent the un-cool moniker to embarrass the alleged Bonnano racketeer in last week’s human-trafficking strip-club bust? “Perry’s” co-defendant (and East Meadow neighbor) Thomas Devitt III got off light with “Tommy D.”

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK

FRANK AMALFITANO

As president of Bay Shore-based United Veterans Beacon House, Frank Amalfitano has helped deliver housing, job training, medical care and other services to Long Island’s military vets. But this is new: Teaming up Monday with Linda Franklin, the founder of the charitable initiative Shining Service Worldwide, and the Cactus Salon in Stony Brook arranged to provide a “complete holiday makeover” for 12 military women—hair, nails, makeup and more.  Hey, why shouldn’t these women be tough AND pretty? A Vietnam vet who’s built a large network of vets home in Nassau and Suffolk, Amalfitano is making a special effort these days with female vets, who are often overlooked in the male-dominated veterans community. “The needs are huge and growing, with a whole new generation of veterans coming home.”

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“SAT cheating scandal goes beyond courtroom”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, November 27, 2011

When it comes to the widening SAT cheating scandal, the law may be the easy part – far easier than confronting all the academic fallout.

Can the cheating be proven? Was it a crime? Have prosecutors fingered the right kids?

Answer those questions yes, yes and yes – and 20 promising young Long Islanders could soon be trading classroom semesters for lockup time.

The defendants fall into two distinct categories: Fifteen students from good high schools – Great Neck North and others – are accused of sending in impersonators to take the SAT or ACT for them. And five college-age brainiacs allegedly charged $300 to $3,600 for the unauthorized help.

The numbers could easily grow as the students start talking to authorities. Several of their lawyers are already hinting that the cheating is more widespread than is already known. And Suffolk District Attorney Thomas Spota is asking superintendents to make sure no kids in his county had similar send-in-the-ringer ideas.

But whatever happens at the Mineola courthouse, the effects on the academic world could be far-reaching and profound.

If cheating’s this easy and college that important, why should it be limited to one affluent swatch of Nassau’s North Shore?Aren’t high school seniors under pressure everywhere?

And if the cheating charges are proven, the colleges these kids attend will be under huge pressure to expel them. Anything less wouldn’t be fair to the cheaters’ honest classmates.

Honest students from Long Island may be the biggest victims of all. When their friends at Harvard, Yale or Slippery Rock State hear where they went to high school, isn’t a single, unfair comment inevitable?

“Oh. Yeah. We know how you got here.”

’TIL YOU DROP

1. “What are those birds so angry about, anyway?”

2. “Nook, Fire, iPad – the only missing word is Book.”

3. “This year, you can even buy your bricks and mortar on line.”

4. “Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday – hey, doesn’t Sunday have a name?”

5. “Care for some pepper spray with that?”

THE NEWS IN SONG:

Here at last:

“This Time of Year”

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

http://tinyurl.com/tiludrop

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

You hear that Danny Meyer is bringing his burger-centric Shake Shack to Westbury in late-2012? Given the crowds at the Manhattan originals, you might want to start lining up now…A little too much extended family this Thanksgiving week? “Cops: Man Stabs Cousin in Copiague,” “Cops: Man Rear-Ends Cousin in DWI Accident.”…What other historic treasures lie behind all that ugly vinyl siding? That hidden 1860s façade at a Riverhead group home can’t be the only under-vinyl gem…Have you driven over the newly named Police Officer Michael J. Califano Memorial Bridge, where Glen Cover Road crosses the LIE? Next time you do, save a moment of silence for the late Wantagh resident and beloved 12-year Nassau cop, struck and killed during a Feb. 4 traffic stop near exit 39…Does it count as “occupying” the Smith Haven Mall when 100 protestors stand with signs outside?

LONG ISLANDERS OF THE WEEK

THE ONES WHO WORKED

Last week, we tried to protect you. Protect you from the losing your precious family time to expanding store hours. Protect you from Black Friday door-buster sales that flew off the hinges on Thursday night. We failed at all of that. Utterly. So the least we can do is say, “Thank you.” I hope you made lots of money this weekend. (Unlikely.) I hope the shoppers were all cheery and polite. (Unlikely.) I hope that next year’s round-the-clock, post-Thanksgiving shopping schedule will shrink — not expand.(Impossible!)

E-mail ellis@henican.com
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