MICHAEL J’S DEATH… …AND OURS

“Where There’s a Will,” Ellis Henican Sunday Column, Newsday, July 5, 2009 The Michael Jackson story isn’t just a selfindulgent celeb-fest to goose the ratings. Emphasis on the “just.” As with many boldfaced tragedies — Mark Sanford’s infidelity crisis, Sarah Palin’s once-promising career — actual life lessons can be found inside the latest TMZ reports.…

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THIS IS AMERICA AND… …SO IS THIS

“This Is America,” Ellis Henican Column, am/NewYork, July 3, 2009 California’s paying its employees with Mickey Mouse money. That’s America. Minnesota has a new senator, just in time for his re-election campaign. That’s America. Mississippi is still the fattest, but Alabama’s closing the flab gap fast. That’s America. Mark Sanford is suffering from a dual…

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HE’S BAD! HE’S BAD! WHY HIDE IT NOW?

“In Death, Jacko’s Flaws ‘Beat It,’” Ellis Henican Sunday Column, Newsday, June 28, 2009, p. 2 Never speak ill of the freshly dead. So deeply embedded is that dictum, people attend funerals of relatives they hated and priests deliver eulogies for mobsters and hoods. Well, watch as the dictum is tested now. Michael Jackson was…

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CURSE STRIKES AGAIN! WHO DARES RUN NEXT?

“The Curse of 2012,” Ellis Henican Column, am/New York, June 26, 2009 Mark Sanford got caught with an Argentine mistress. Bobby Jindal opened his mouth. John Ensign two-timed with a one-time staffer. By this point, Sarah Palin’s personal calamties are almost too numerous to name. It’s the Republican Curse of 2012. Who else dares to…

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TAKE MY SEAT, PLEASE! POLITE IN THE SUBWAY

“Etiquette Enforcement,” Ellis Henican Blog, “The Huffington Post,” June 24, 2009 The Metropolitan Transportation Authority has officially decided we’re not polite enough. They should know, right? These are the people who have done so much to coarsen the local language with expressions like “The train will be moving shortly” (yeah, right!) and “I have no…

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HAPPY DECEPTION DAY YOU’RE NOT MY PARENTS

“Deception No Present on Father’s Day,” Ellis Henican Sunday Column, Newsday, June 21, 2009 It’s the Father’s Day mystery that may never be solved. No, not what happened to Steven Damman, the toddler whose disappearance from East Meadow in 1955 spurred a massive national child hunt. With luck, persistence and a few long memories, the…

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CHANGING THE WORLD EVERY 140 CHARACTERS

“140-Character World Changers,” Ellis Henican Column, am/New York, June 19, 2009, page 4 Why should Iranian election protesters have all the Twitter fun? Can’t other world events be hijacked, one 140-character outburst at a time? Sure, they can. And soon they will be. Every day, it gets a little bit harder to tell the social-networking…

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ALBANY UPHEAVAL? JUDGE NOT!

“Albany Judgement Day,” Ellis Henican Sunday Column, Newsday, June 14, 2009 The court came to order. After days of Albany pandemonium, the matter had finally arrived where it was headed all along, in the lap of a state court. The issue? Effective control of the New York State Senate. The judge? The honorable Thomas McNamara,…

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UP-STATE OF CONFUSION ALBANY, ALBANY, ALBANY!

“America’s Funniest Statehouse,” Ellis Henican Column, amNew York, June 12, 2009 “These Albany people,” I was marveling Thursday, “they come straight from Central Casting.” Randy Credico, who’s been working for years in the capital on drug-law reform, begged to differ. “A couple of them,” he said, “come straight from Central Booking.” But this being Albany,…

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BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA THE MIDDLE-NAME GAME

“Prez Puts Middle Name Front and Center,” Ellis Henican Sunday Column, Newsday, June 7, 2009 Finally, the middle name was a plus. Barack Hussein Obama spent much of the week in a part of the world where Hussein is like Smith or Johnson. It slides off the tongue, hardly noticed at all. All last year,…

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