MARKET WATCH COLUMNIST
“LI can take a joke – when it’s a good one”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, December 4, 2011
John McCain wasn’t the first comedian — amateur or professional — to make Long Island the butt of the joke.
Didn’t a whole generation of stand-ups dine out on Matzo-Pizza and Buttafuoco? Where would the American sitcom be without taking jabs at LI traffic, LI malls and LI uniformity? “Seinfeld,” 
“Mad About You,” “Friends” and “Spin City” all got their licks in. Just a week ago, Lily on “How I Met Your Mother” was explaining the “one big reason” she didn’t want to move from her city apartment to the house she inherited from her grandmother. “I don’t want to spend my Saturdays on Long Island,” Lily huffed.
Ha. Ha.
On Wednesday, McCain used a heated Senate debate on detainee policy (detainee policy?) to seek a laugh at Long Island’s expense. “Last I checked, Long Island was a part — albeit sometimes regrettably — part of the United States of America,” the Arizona Republican intoned.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Proving two things: Politicians in Washington are never funny when they try to be funny. And Sen. Chuck Schumer can always 
make a mildly uncomfortable situation worse.
Instead of ignoring McCain’s lame attempt at insult-humor or saying something funny-mean about Arizona, the New York Democrat played the 9/11 card: “All America saw how heroic Long Islanders were,” blah, blah, blah — as if no one east of Queens has had a laugh in the past 10 years.
Actually, we aren’t remotely thin-skinned around here. We love to laugh uproariously, even at ourselves. We can dish out the insults, and we can take them.But we do have certain standards of humor quality, standards neither of these flat-footed politicians came even close to.
Laugh at us if you want to you. Just make the jokes funny, OK?
WHAT’S SO FUNNY?
1. McCain at the Improv
2. Last Schumer Standing
3. Take my senator – please!
4. America’s Funniest House and Senate Videos
5. Tragedy Central
THE NEWS IN SONG:
Faith No More
“I Started a Joke”
ASKED AND UNANSWERED:
First it was one killer, then it was several killers – and now it’s one killer again? Anyone confused about the Gilgo Beach (Serial) 
Killer(s) – I mean, besides the Suffolk County police?….The typical LI exec got a 4.2 percent raise last year? How does that compare to yours?…What do you mean doctors don’t make house calls anymore? Federal agents say Dr. Leonard Stambler of Baldwin Harbor drove to patients’ home and dispensed prescription pain pills from his car!…Who DIDN’T know about the 
SAT cheating scandals? If you believe all the post-arrest boasting, half of Great Neck knew for years…Why are so many “Celebrity Wife Swap” contestants from Long Island? Something about LI and second-string (or has-been) celebs?…Taste test: Am I the only one who thinks Liz Taylor’s Christie’s bling is over-the-top garish? That’s my excuse for not bidding…“Perry Como”? Is that Anthony Frascone’s real nickname? Or did some mischievous fed invent the un-cool moniker to embarrass the alleged Bonnano racketeer in last week’s human-trafficking strip-club bust? “Perry’s” co-defendant (and East Meadow neighbor) Thomas Devitt III got off light with “Tommy D.”
LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK
FRANK AMALFITANO
As president of Bay Shore-based United Veterans Beacon House, Frank Amalfitano has helped deliver housing, job training, 
medical care and other services to Long Island’s military vets. But this is new: Teaming up Monday with Linda Franklin, the founder of the charitable initiative Shining Service Worldwide, and the Cactus Salon in Stony Brook arranged to provide a “complete holiday makeover” for 12 military women—hair, nails, makeup and more. Hey, why shouldn’t these women be tough AND pretty? A Vietnam vet who’s built a large network of vets home in Nassau and Suffolk, Amalfitano is making a special effort these days with female vets, who are often overlooked in the male-dominated veterans community. “The needs are huge and growing, with a whole new generation of veterans coming home.”
E-mail ellis@henican.com
Follow him at twitter.com/henican
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Give McCain a break, defer to him for the suffering and sacrifice for his country and all of us in Long Island. All of you know the story of his POW experience and that is enough for us to back off from an inadvertent remark that has no history for Senator McCain to have made. Also,, it was not like he said a terribly hurtful insult like discrimination. My wife and kids dis me out everyday worse than that. Take it with a grain of salt,McCain is a patriot and war hero. Cut him the slack he earned. Long Islanders know we have the best life style in the country. People are nice and easy.