Official Website of Ellis Henican | SUFFOLK STRIKES UP THE BANS

“Suffolk is serious about its bans”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, March 24, 2013

What hasn’t Suffolk County banned or restricted yet? Wouldn’t that be a much shorter list? The roster of the officially verboten is getting awfully lengthy.

Drop-side baby cribs.

Toxic detergents.

Steel-jaw leg traps for small animals.

Infant bottles containing BPA.

Electronic cigarettes in county buildings (over objections from the Long Island Vapors Club — and whatever happened to them?).

Plastic food wrappers (banned in 1988, unbanned in 1999).

Many of these county crackdowns were touted at the time as first in the nation or at least first in the state. And, of course, Suffolk has joined most of America’s conventional bans like the ones prohibiting smoking in offices, bars and restaurants.

Maybe the county should go and ahead and make it official. “Safety First” would be the perfect Suffolk motto.

Let Michael Bloomberg take the heat for being America’s nanny mayor. Somehow Suffolk’s been skating around the widespread backlash. No one in Mississippi is coming out in favor of fatty foods in restaurants, then passing a law nicknamed “the anti-Bellone bill.”

Again, the city gets the fame.

This time, Suffolk lawmakers added energy drinks to the county’s oh-no list.

Now Red Bull and its many cousins, some of them containing almost as much caffeine as a grande cappuccino at Starbucks, can’t be sold at county parks and beaches or marketed to minors with coupons.

I’d publish the whole X-list. But I’m sorry, it’s too long.

BANNED IT

Rubber Banned
Marching Banned
Wedding Banned
Rock ’n’ Roll Banned
Banned Aid

THE NEWS IN SONG

Everybody’s taking the chance

“Safety Dance”

by Men Without Hats

tinyurl.com/1stsafety

ASKED AND UNANSWERED

If criminals weren’t so dumb, would the cops ever arrest anyone? Do you catch my drift, Michael Ohara, grabbed outside Roosevelt Field Mall after allegedly hawking prescription anxiety pills on Craigslist?…Why the war of words between Northport American Legion Post 694 and the Cow Harbor Warriors? Aren’t the two vets groups supposedly on the same side?…Of all the things the things to be offended by, are the new LIRR ads for cable health channel Veria Living really causing widespread outrage? “Ladies, admit it. You’re doing kegels right now.” What percentage of riders even know what kegels are?…Who needs high-paying engineering jobs when we have Spidey? “The Amazing Spider Man-2” will be partly filmed at Grumman Studios in Bethpage, bringing day-rate work for 11,000 extras…On stilts? Protected by giant storm barriers? How should LI be rebuilt before the next superstorm blows in? NY Tech architecture students are soliciting bright design ideas at 3Ccompetition.org….March madness? What’s any madder than springtime winter temps?…Now that every Brookhaven Town Board meeting opens with a prayer, has Ed Romaine invited all denominations to send over a clergyman? Are the Wiccans, Wahabis and Scientologists on the schedule yet?…What would you do with the Nassau Coliseum site? Ed Mangano and master developer Renaissance Downtown are still looking for ideas…Who do the members of the Huntington High School Special Olympics snowshoe team think they are? Jamaican bobsledders? After practicing at Fleets Cove Beach in Centerport, they stomped away with eight individual medals at the state meet in Rochester…What’s better, paid or volunteer EMTs? The sick and injured of East Hampton could be finding out next year…When was St. Patrick’s Day? Rockville Center (and Southampton) just got around to marching yesterday, a solid week after broguing Manhattanites began their post-parade, post-corn-beef-and-cabbage naps.

LONG ISLANDERS OF THE WEEK

SUIT-AND-TIE PUGILISTS

The Main Event isn’t until Nov. 25. But business people and professionals across Long Island are already training for one competition that may draw more than customers. The Long Island Fight for Charity Tale of the Tape could easily draw blood. It’s large-hearted (and hard-headed) guys like Michael Haltman, 53 and president of Hallmark Abstract Services in Jericho, is working the heavy bag at the Glen Cove Boxing Club, preparing as well as he can for three long rounds of pounding and being pounded. Now in its 10^th year, the charity bouts support Genesis School, LI Community Chest and National Foundation for Human Potential. Support them at lifightforcharity.org.