Official Website of Ellis Henican | THE END IS

“The end … of the prediction”, Ellis Henican Column, Newsday,May 22, 2011

You’ll never go wrong with this prediction: The world is not about to end.

If the world survives, you get to say, “I told you so.” If the world does end – well, no one’s around to point out how clueless you were.

That’s why Harold Camping’s prophesy was so short-sighted. For months, the evangelical broadcaster had been warning his followers that the Rapture would arrive at 6 p.m. Saturday with the final universal destruction set for Oct. 21.

Notice anything so far?

Are the “real Christians” flying heavenward while the rest of us bear unspeakable Tribulations for the next five months? Too soon to say on the second part, but the Strategic Air Command has reported nothing yet. Now Camping will have to explain how his calculations turned out wrong.

He probably should have stuck with easier predictions. That Donald Trump wouldn’t run for president. That the state would have to save Nassau County from itself. That real-estate prices in the Hamptons might slip lower and big houses by the beach will never be cheap. Easy stuff.

The rest of us will just have to console ourselves with the good news of our continued existence.

Really, it’s not the end of the world when doomsday prophets get it wrong.

STILL HERE

1. Wait, don’t cancel all my appointments.

2. Wall Street tipsters make mistakes too.

3. Yes, I used to mock the need for sunscreen.

4. This wouldn’t have happened if he’d used the Outlook calendar.

5. Guess I should have paid those bills after all.

THIS WEEK’S NEWS IN SONG:

R.E.M. – “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”

← Listen here

“Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right – right.

You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

World end yet? Okay, good…When the Mets went shopping for fraud insurance, shouldn’t that have raised red flags? “Well, Mr. Wilpon, why might you need fraud insurance?”…Did someone say, “President King”? “PRESIDENT King?”…The new tenants will put a SCHOOL in the old Cross Street School — and Williston Park neighbors are objecting to THAT?… What is a “cabaret” exactly? Just a nicer-sounding strip joint? Yes, words have multiple meanings on Sunrise Highway…A $225,000 salary in Malverne and a $316,245 Commack pension? Is there any point at which superintendant James Hunderfund says, “You know, I just don’t feel right taking that much money away from the kids?”…“Property-tax cap” — sounds good, right? So what’s the catch, Governor?…Hey, knucklehead, this isn’t funny anymore. Who left the alligator on the LIE?…Zagat says the price of the average Long Island restaurant meal dropped for the first time since 1998. Am I eating in fancier places? How come my checks keep going up?… With the new “Beautiful Darling” movie now enjoying its 15 minutes, should we be proud – or not exactly – that Jimmy Slattery, the future Candy Darling of Andy Warhol fame, was a local boy/girl, sent off into the world from Massapequa Park?…Is it possible for the Long Island Sound to have TOO MANY striped bass? After a while, reeling them in hardly counts as a sport anymore!

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK

TONY IOVINO

Yes, people read around here. Write too. Need proof? More than 250 writers—including some of LI’s most prestigious poets, authors and comedians—have already requested a chance to read their stuff at the fifth annual Summer Gazebo Reading Series on Schoolhouse, which kicks off Monday, June 6 at the Schoolhouse Green in Oceanside. “Once again, we’ve had to turn away writers,” said lawyer, novelist and series founder Tony Iovino. “That’s the hardest part of this endeavor.” Opening night features Judy J R Turek, Linda Tagliaferro, Talia Carner and Elizabeth Rowe – and the words just keep on coming.