Official Website of Ellis Henican | IF IT’S THURSDAY, IT MUST BE ‘BLACK FRIDAY’

“There’s time yet to give thanks for Black Friday eve” , Newsday, November 28, 2010

Was it already Black Friday at 10 o’clock Thursday night?

At Toys R Us it was this year – and at a growing number of other definition-stretching, holiday-encroaching major retail chains.

In the get-a-jump-on-it spirit of save-the-date cards and Catholic Vigil Mass, the whole idea of post-Thanksgiving shopping has been pushed to the limits of the English language and beyond.

Maybe we should just accept the inevitable: Let’s call the whole month “Black November” and quit this quibbling about Christmas-season store hours and days. Why not? The shoppers keep coming earlier and earlier, and retailers keep opening the doors for them.

At 5 o’clock Friday morning, the parking lot at Roosevelt Field was already 80 percent full. What more do you want to know?

When you think about it, the continuing expansion of Black Friday is a strange phenomenon. There is nothing inherently bargain-producing about pre-dawn shopping hours. There is no actual reason some new buying beachhead has to be established before the pumpkin pie hits the digestive tract.

But this unspoken conspiracy – between shoppers and retailers, then between economic analysts and the media – has taken on a life of its own.

We agree to shop on the busiest shopping day of the year, accepting crowds and lines and all manner of bleary-eyed inconvenience. For our trouble, we get some bargains and the comfort of having some of the holiday shopping done. The retailers get our money more quickly than they otherwise would have and a breathless round of stories about the economy bouncing back, whether it really is or not.

“The shopper is back!” Toys R Us chief executive Jerry Storch giddily declared.

And who could say he was wrong?

The real pace of holiday buying won’t be known until the cash registers close late on Christmas Eve – and honestly, why should the buying end then?

If the season is going to start this early, it should probably run ’til February at least.

BUY, BUY, BUY

1. Spend ’til you bend.

2. Buy ’til you sigh.

3. Hunt ’til you punt.

4. Shop ’til you drop.

5. Oh, just go home and take a nice, long nap, what do you say? No stupid rhyming needed for that!

ASKED AND UNANSWERED:

Big-box discount store or a high-security lockdown? This Black Friday, they were taking no chances at the Valley Stream Walmart . . . An armored-car company, a bungling team of thieves, drills and crowbars and other heavy equipment — are you smelling a New Hyde Park version of the Lufthansa heist? Anyone seen Henry Hill? . . . Aren’t you glad you didn’t plan your Thanksgiving island getaway for lovely Yeonpyeong? . . . Who was the first Nassau detective to arrive at the Front Street McDonald’s in Uniondale and mumble to a squad mate: “Bad robbery but at least it wasn’t another Wendy’s massacre”? . . . Doesn’t she understand? “DWI Mom” would be just another drunk driver if she’d only left the kid at home . . . What’s the “congenital condition” that sent Billy Joel in for a double hip replacement? Being 61? . . . Who should decide when retailers get to open? Politicians or the people who own the stores? Put Steve “You Must Close on Thanksgiving” Levy firmly in the “politicians” camp . . . Bishop v. Altschuler? Johnson v. Martins? Four weeks isn’t enough to count some votes? Maybe five should be enough to end the career of every last election official on LI? . . . If tunnel-canceling N.J. Gov. Chris Christie doesn’t want $3 billion in federal infrastructure funds, are there any projects east of the Hudson that can use that kind of money? East Side access for the LIRR perhaps? The Second Avenue subway? A West extension for the No. 7 line? Oh, don’t get me started!

ELLIS’ LONG ISLANDERS OF THE WEEK

RETAIL WORKERS

The shoppers get their bargains. The owners get their profits. But the stockers, expediters, sales clerks, security guards and other hard-working store employees are the ones who will make this holiday succeed. The work can be tedious. The customers can be nuts. The pay is rarely generous. The hours often stink. But attentive help in a store is still something worth treasuring, and the people who give seldom get the thanks that they deserve. So thanks.