WHO WILL HELP? PRIVATE CHARITY OR GOVERNMENT?
“Are we still the ‘burbs if our lawns are brown?” – Ellis Henican Column, Newsday, July 18, 2010
Will the suburbs still be the suburbs if the people can’t water their lawns?
That question is suddenly impossible to ignore as Suffolk County officials announced that water consumption surged to an all-time record on Friday. Robo-calls are urging conservation. A “Stage 1 Water Alert” is already in place. And now residents are being asked to not to wash their cars so often or water their lawns.
The single greediest water hogs? Large Southampton estates. But taken together, their total use is not nearly as large as all lush quarter-acre patches that have come to define Long Island life.
Don’t think any of this is trivial.
Philosophers of the American experience have long been fascinated by the powerful symbolism of the green suburban lawn — as God’s little acre, as a way to one-up the neighbors, as a means of showing that the Great American Dream is being practiced here.
In “The Great Suburban Showdown,” Billy Joel found in his childhood lawn a reason to feel really, really bleak:
“Out in the yard,
Where my Daddy worked so hard
He never lets the crab grass grow too high.”
Poor, Dad!
The water alarm isn’t a life-changing crisis yet. Around here, we are much better watered than some places are. Phoenix, Albuquerque and San Diego have decades worth of experience trying to convince their suburban citizens that a desert rock garden can be inviting too.
Yes, it’s still a tough sell.
But at 500,000 gallons a minute in Suffolk County alone – with more heat and dry weather to come – it’s certainly time to start thinking about what the experts call “nonessential water uses.”
And don’t forget: In a nice desert rock garden, crab grass doesn’t have a chance.
MEL’S DO-OVERS
- “Thank you for being such a good mom.”
- “Care to join me in couples’ counseling?”
- “You’re not recording this in violation of California law, are you?”
- “Can we all just get along?”
- “Nice figure, Oksana.”
ASKED AND UNANSWERED:
To the Hamptons beach crowd, are any four words half as rattling than these: “Vegas-style Indian casino”?… The 47 percent premium the Carlyle Group is paying for NBTY? How much cost-cutting will that mean for 2,000 LI employees of the Ronkonkoma-based vitamin maker?….What but Bob Sheppard’s funeral at St. Christopher’s could turn Mets-centric Baldwin into a Yankees town, even for a day?…Mrs. Tuckruskye! Which part of “underage” don’t you understand?…How many LIRR riders snagged free tickets from that malfunctioning vending machine in Penn? How long would the free rides have lasted if Lisa Foster Jordan and her two fellow resellers hadn’t gotten greedy and grabbed $800,000 worth?…Is it opt-off-line?…How soon before some judge explains tersely to Nassau exec Ed Mangano, “Yes, the personal-services contract law does apply to you – and to county attorney John Ciampoli”?…Investing millions in a longshot run against Chuck Schumer? Is that Nassau Comptroller George Maragos’ idea of fiscal prudence?…Why’s everyone so tickled by a gap-rapping railroad doc John Clarke? He’s only practicing preventative medicine: It’s just his version of preventative medicine: “Look down, step over and watch the gaps!”
ELLIS’ LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK
It’s not an original idea, just a brilliantly targeted one: A charitable group of people helping one sick child realize his fondest wish. So there they were on Friday, like to so many Make-a-Wish fund-raisers before them, 120 swim-team members this time, swimming lap after lap after lap at the Centerport Yacht Club, raising more money with each and every one.. A 4-year-old Medford boy named Cole is battling leukemia. His fondest wish is a trip to Disney World. Enough said. Now, he will now go in style.
E-mail ellis@henican.com. Follow him at twitter.com/henican
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